#2401 | reintroductions, restorations & ruminations
3 thirty-something year-old thoughts on adulting and 1 bad painting
Hi friends - new and old, it’s been a while and I’ve missed you.
It’s just after 1pm, and I’m feeling a little so scattered — in my attention, my intentions, my goals, what I spent the majority of last year doing (not much), what I’m doing now (more nothing) and what I think I want to do in the future (also unclear).
I woke up and wanted to finally attempt to paint again today. I sketched something out, hated it, and didn’t get beyond pencil on paper; no paintbrushes were dusted off, yet alone pigment broken out. I’ll share my first attempt, made last month, below; I like (do I though?) how unrefined and childlike it feels, and I’m not mad at those clouds.
But it’s not my finest work. So I allowed myself to get distracted and putz about the house for a bit; tidying up odds and ends, refreshing the stale water in the vases of dying Valentine’s Day flowers scattered around (decaying from time, not neglect), etc.
I then got a chatty / writing / blogging wind, so here we are - lucky you! This one was partially inspired by my Mom’s blog (
), as well as this couple on Youtube that’s continuing renovations on their chateau after creating a successful guesthouse (so successful it’s apparently paid off their renos after 3 years, leaving this 16-bedroom beauty all to themselves!), and now they just host whatever creative workshops their hearts desire. *Sigh* Moved and motivated (enough at least to indulge in further binging), I found myself tripping down a rabbithole of renovation channels, property listings, and a sprinkle of musings involving other creative projects that have been on my mind, both lately and for a long time. So let’s start at the beginning…This all began with a captivatingly honest and charming couple that is living in rural France and have been documenting How To Renovate a Chateau. The wife Anna is a former textile designer with Balmain so of course she’s the mastermind behind all of the home’s lovely wallpaper and tile designs, and the husband Philipp is a witty film director with DIY construction skills - a match made in reno heaven. I’m knees-deep in on this incredibly informative and entertaining series, and plan on watching all the way to the beginning of their story. I highly recommend catching an episode, or two.
Naturally, from there, I thought — what’s the North American chateau, and where can I find one? Because at this point, I’ve fully convinced myself that a version of this is my destiny; I started a loose budget and business plan with this in mind, and have already convinced my friends and family to book two separate scouting trips (now they may or may not be calling it a vacation instead, but that’s their business). A pure excitement and spark but also impending sense of doom in exploring this dream of mine as old as time - of facilitating a traveling artist retreat / residency program, and it being based out of this incredible imaginary villa - that I haven’t the first clue how to buy, look, negotiate, renovate… and then operate (do you feel the wave of anxiety mounting?!) I stopped. I took a breath. I bought the Cheap Old Houses book, I subscribed to their newsletters and I’ve spent the last month scouring their listings.
It feels almost like fate calling when I see more (
) and more people in my orbit gravitate towards home ownership, particularly with the intention to restore and to reclaim. It also feels like some irrational level of adulting that I can’t possibly have arrived at yet. But surprise! Here we are ✨✨✨ in the here and the now.Anyways, I realize how I find myself creating this build-up, as if I’m getting ready to announce that I’ve got my sh*t together enough to purchase my first piece of property, and that I’m about to embark on the challenging yet rewarding journey of all that home ownership entails. But not today’s tale - I’m just taking us on a hypothetical…
Transparently, when I started this here substack it was originally 1) to archive my old conversational profile-type series, and 2) to express myself, uncover my voice, and to hopefully connect with whoever stumbles across this. But apparently, all I’ve been able to do since is think myself in circles, spending the majority of the energy I have left on deeper dives and R&D into random nonsensical thoughts as if it’s my job. So moving forward, you can meet me here every week for a moodboard of riffs, rambles, and rabbitholes - all from yours truly. What I hope to do on top of that is revive my old interview series, and release one new conversation with someone else each month (to get out of my head and actually engage in the world with others like a human?! *gasp*). I also apparently plan on owning and restoring a chateau eventually too, and to pay for all of this I guess I’ll have to return to work at some point in the near future as well - so, lots in store… will I? won’t I? I guess you’ll just have to stay tuned to find out!
I can’t promise you I won’t always be this self-deprecating and scattered (in fact, just managing expectations here: perhaps we could come to expect it and…even learn to love it?!) But the promise to you is — 52 written entries a year on whatever is on my mind and in my search history that week + 12 recorded conversations with individuals I find inspirational, creative and interesting. So thank you, sincerely, for joining and I really do hope to see you back here next week! 😘🤗😘
I cannot wait to see how this turns out!